Attifood

My BFF will be happy...

2011-04-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

For the longest time my best friend Annie has lovingly made fun of me for a beauty faux pas I have made for several years. In fact, I actually find myself pretty embarrassed to admit it...

I often "forget" to take my makeup off at night.

Go ahead...

GASP! SHOCK! WHAT?!?! OMG!! FAINT!

I'm sorry! I never understood why she was so concerned for me. I mean, when I went to bed I was tired! I didn't have the time to take my makeup off. You have to put your hair up, scrub, have water dripping everywhere...no, no. Not for me.

But then I decided to try a little experiment last week. I went without makeup as often as I could (I do work at home so that helps). And on the days I did wear makeup I washed it off at night. I even went as far to put some Oil of Olay night cream on, which reminded me of my grandmother.

And you know what happened? Low and behold my face was incredibly clear! It was crazy! Kurt even commented on my face!

Then one night a couple of nights ago I legitimately forgot to take my makeup off and the next day I woke up and my skin was less than desirable.

So a short and silly blog, but a great lesson learned.

Thanks Nanne.

Superwoman Syndrome

2011-04-17T21:05:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I have been a diligent little blogger. Obviously my last post was eons ago and I sit stewing in a blogger web of shame. My apologies. Not that any of you have suffered any tremendous afflictions by my lack of literary prowess (Ha!).

The reason for my absence is simple. I have been suffering from a disease that doctors are dumbfounded by. Absolutely dumbfounded. It is called the Superwoman Syndrome.

This disease is more common than we like to admit but it does happen from time to time. No I have not been running around the house in red spandex, gold bracelets, and a luxurious cape. (Though I am sure that would make Kurt's day).

As soon as Kurt proposed to me at the end of January I hit the ground running.

No I'm serious. I literally hit the ground running by hopping on a plane to Arizona for a business trip just two days later. From that moment on I have been caught up in a whirl wind of planning, logistics, and events. Events, events, events. And please believe me when I say that I am extremely grateful and lucky to be doing what I love to do every day. I am very blessed. However, that being said I forgot to come up for air.

The entire reason for me starting this blog was to help me keep my head above water. Clearly the last three months have been a test and I failed. Big time.

The fact is that I was trying to be Superwoman. I was trying to be a Superwoman for my clients. I was yearning to be a Superwoman for my boss. I was desperate to be a Superwoman for my new fiance. I was eager to be a Superwoman for my parents. I got so wrapped up that I couldn't even do the most simplistic of chores: laundry. There came a time (ok, I admit, it was more than once) that laundry took me a total of four days to get through. I would have to dewrinkle time and time again. And just when I got excited that I had completed my final load of darks...it was a new week and "laundry day" again. Bummer.

I was spending so much time worrying about what others thought. And though there is some rationale to that, I was taking it to levels that were insane. I wasn't taking in the right nutrition; exercise was neither here nor there; and the term "I will start the diet tomorrow" came through my mouth more times than I can count. Thankfully the greasy pizza from the new Little Caesar's up the street kept my mouth busy enough.

Finally there came a breaking point.

One day before a big event I went over to one of my best gal's apartment and we locked ourselves in her room away from her own fiance. We do as girls do: start with the normal small talk and then gently lean in and say, "That all sounds great, but what is really going on?" Wink.

She told me what was going on with her life and when she was finished venting she looked over at me and asked, "So how are you?"

"Fine," I say. I can feel my fake smile giving me away like child who swears he didn't eat the cookies even though his face is covered in chocolate.

She just waits. She knows I will eventually give in. So I roll my eyes and go into my venting. It was epic. It was all over the place. It was long winded.

When I finally take a breath she inches closer and grabs my shoulders. She looks me straight in the eye and says, "I get it. It's hard. You can't be everything to every body."

Then I feel it like a ton of bricks. The tears. I feel them welling up. I am at that point where I can only nod at her because if I start to utter one word the waterworks will start and I won't be able to stop...and I had a ton of errands to do that day to get ready for a huge event. I had no time to cry! So I did what I had been doing for a few months now: pushing back the tears because I simply didn't have time to cry.

Cut to the event I had a few days later. I was tired. I was working myself to the bone with more on my mind than I cared to admit. We had one more day to go and I would be able to go home and take a few days off to myself. But I don't know what happened. It could have been the two hour sleep I got the night before...who knows. But I was sitting at my work station in the back and my friend Tonya comes up to me. She can tell I'm on the verge of something: crying, screaming, going postal, whatever. She sits down next to me, hugs me, and says "You are doing a great job, you know that?"

I lost it.

Badly.

It was a good ugly Dane Cook cry. I was shaking and babbling. My boss came over to hug me and I cried all over again. It was embarrassing. The worst part was I still had an evening session to get through. I pulled it together enough for my boss and friend to feel comfortable to leave me by myself. So there I was...alone in the middle of this big ballroom, putting out some last minute fires, trying to compose myself. Just when I think I have gotten it all together, the nice gentleman from the hotel stops refilling the water pitchers and asks, "Miss, are you ok?"

Unbeknownst to me I was STILL crying. There were silent tears streaking down my cheeks and I was too busy to even notice them. Yup. I had opened the flood gates. Now I started to cry at anything. You could randomly walk up to me and shout "biology!" and I would sob uncontrollably.

A few days later after the event was over I was able to get some much needed sleep and relaxation. In fact, it was my birthday and I had this grand five course French dinner planned.

Or so I thought...

My body was not having it. The day of my birthday I wake up with a fever, major body aches, and a bizarre cough. Seriously?! I was supposed to go shopping for all the food for the dinner! I could barely move. Thank goodness the dinner wasn't for another two days. So I find myself the day before in my kitchen with my sister and mother. They are desperately trying to help me iron out the menu (one that I needed to change to make easier due to my lack of energy) and write the grocery list. That is until I had a fit. I was pissed that my body was giving out on me. I was pissed that I had been looking forward to this dinner for months and my menu wasn't solidified and some of my decor vendors were not coming through. PIssed! Then to make matters worse the day of the dinner I woke up with a thrown out back. Couldn't move I tell ya.

"Welcome to 27 Nicole! You are officially in your late twenties, it is all down here from here if you keep abusing me like this!" my body said.

The Superwoman Syndrome sent me over the edge. The breakdowns (by both body and spirit) may have been ugly and untimely but they were much needed. They helped me to realize that I was indeed trying to be a superhero when all this time I should have just been...well, human.

Now I have set some boundaries, made some plans, and mellowed out. I can't say that my stressful disposition won't get the better of me in the future. I do after all have my father's psychotic work ethic mixed with my mothers willingness to cry at...well anything. So I can't make many iron clad promises. What I can say is that I have learned from my "disease" and will strive to remember that as I woman, I am genetically built to want to take care of everything and every body. However, if I don't take care of myself then it is all a moot point.

So for those of you women out there suffering from Superwoman Syndrome, I just have one piece of advice. Find a friend (or a few for that matter) who will grab you by the shoulders, look you in the eye and say "It's ok. You are doing great." Let it all out, get ugly, but then get back up, dust yourself off, and tell yourself "I'm only human and you rock babe!"

Now where did I put those damn gold bracelets...

My Perfect AVERAGE day

2011-02-16T23:40:00.000-08:00

Oh man...it has been awhile and that was not my intention.

I have to say, these last few weeks have been a true roller coaster of emotions. Some days have been fantastic, some not so glamorous, and others just down right ridiculous. I started this blog because I wanted to better myself by staying healthy, stress free, and happy. I wanted to find the balance in life that a lot of people struggle with. And I must say I have been sucking at it lately.

There were many times when I wanted to crawl on here and bitch and moan about various things to all of you.

But there comes a time when you need to put away the bitterness, deflate the pity party, and just live in the moment.

Some of you may know that a few weeks ago my boyfriend of over 5 years asked me to marry him. He did it in the most romantic way and I have never felt so loved and wanted in my life. We were able to celebrate when he asked but since then I have hit the ground running with work. Don't get me wrong, he's been catching up with some much needed "me time" and doesn't feel neglected. At least I don't think so...

"Hunny? Do you feel neglected?" I shout from across the house.

"Not by you, but by kitty," he chuckles. Ralph has been spending a lot of time in his cat bed lately.

I love what I do for a living, and I love my fiance (gosh that is such a cool word to say!) so I have to figure out a way to balance it. And oh yeah...eat right and exercise while I'm at it.

So finally I get to my point...my perfect day!

I am not talking about the perfect day on vacation or special milestone. I am talking about what my perfect AVERAGE day looks like. I wrote it on my white board last week so I could constantly look at it. Here is what it looked like...

7:00am Wake Up
7:15am Walking Intentions (a quick morning walk where I set the intentions for the day)
7:30am Breakfast with my french press coffee and good book/magazine
8:00am Get to work, production work
10:30am Meal #2
More sweet, sweet productive work
1:00pm Lunch
4:00pm Meal #3
And we keep working...la la la
5:00pm Go to the Gym with Heathie
6:15pm I cook dinner while watching Julie/Julia as I channel my inner blogger/chef
7:00pm Dinner with my family
8:00pm Clean up work space and write out goals for the next day
8:45pm Take my salt bath while reading
9:30pm Watch movie/TV or read with Kurt
12:00am Snuggle in bed!

See! That! That is my perfect average day. How often do my days look like that? Ehhh....they are few and far between. But what I can do is strive to live like that every day.

So this is me stopping...looking around and realizing if I stress too much and get too swept up with fill-in-the-blank then I will completely miss out on life. If I miss out on life then work will suffer because I will be...well pissed. If my work will suffer then my health will start to fade. See this crazy cycle!

Stop complaining Nicole and get your ass to bed! You need to be up at 7:00am!

Till next time...

Today I am grateful for...

2011-01-20T00:20:00.000-08:00

1. Apples...I had a delicious one today
2. Fuzzy socks..they kept my feet warm all day
3. Clients who appreciate me...I had a couple different clients tell me that they loved working with me and think I am doing a great job. That's always nice to hear

Tomorrow I am looking forward to getting my hair cut so that I can feel like a pretty girl again :)

Night world

Life is like a parking lot...what?

2011-01-15T19:19:00.001-08:00

So I have to admit. This week was filled with a lot of pity parties and emotions. I started to get too much in my head in regards to health, money, time management, etc. I was cranky and needy. I snapped and grumbled. I even broke into tears one evening while doing dishes due to pure exhaustion and frustration. Definitely not the ideal sister and girlfriend.

I couldn't pin point what was really bothering me. I was getting a lot of things done at work, clients were all happy, Kurt kept finding new ways to cheer me up, Heath and I made it to the gym every day...so what? Well today when Heather and I ran to the mall I realized what it was: impatience. I was impatient all week because I wanted to have lost ten pounds, have cleared my skin, and made my annual monetary goal...all in that one week. And apparently I was getting pissed that it wasn't happening that fast--horribly mental, I know. My impatience is one of those personal flaws that I like to push back and keep in the realm of denial. I wrongly convinced myself that I was very zen-like, calm, and serene. (Those who know me the best are probably laughing their asses off right now...I'm looking at you Mom and Dad).

So anyway, back to the mall.

We pull into the parking structure and get stuck behind this car that is crawling as the driver scopes out each parking spot on the second floor with determination and fervor. I watch him through the window and he looks from side to side trying to find that perfect spot. At this time I wasn't feeling impatient at all but I started thinking about the driver in front of us clearly getting impatient as he waits for perfection. I blurted out to Heather, "Life is like parking lot." She chuckled at me as one does.

"Why do you think that?" she asks.

"Because if you just go up higher in parking lot floors you will not only find a spot right away but it will be right next to the elevator and therefore be a prime spot! But people are so enamored with the first and second floors that they will circle and circle until the cows come home."

She just continues to laugh at me. Pretty standard really.

But it's true! A common theme (especially in this country) is that you should only travel a small distance and have instant gratification. Please don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with sprinting, short distances. or poof! waving a magic wand. But life is a marathon, and miles, and years! I had to slap myself upside the head and exclaim, "That's it!"

I need to go into things knowing that I may need to travel longer, and climb higher but the result is ultimately better. Instead of staying on the first floor and waiting for a spot--any spot--I can drive up to the third or fourth floors or dare I say, the roof, and get a prime spot. For some reason most people don't like to go all the way to the top floors. And! You know those newer/high techy parking lots that tell you how many spots are left on each floor? It doesn't matter if the first two floors are completely or almost full and the rest are barren, because people will still circle those first two floors. (I know not everyone is like this obviously and I applaud you for going straight to the roof!)

Long story short here is my life's lesson for the week picked up at the Glendale Galleria parking structure: Impatience for perfection and instant gratification will just keep you circling and circling with uncertain results. Instead, travel the distance, climb up in a steady determined fashion, and you are sure to find what you are looking for in abundance. (Unless you are trying to find a parking lot during Christmas then that is a whole new ball game...and blog).

So there it is. My sad simile. Now for a glass of wine. (Just make sure to not drink and drive folks).

Holy Crap! Look what i did!

2011-01-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, I went to see John Assaraf speak. He is a motivational speaker who most people recognize from The Secret. He has taken several companies and turned them into multimillion and billion dollar companies. He speaks about the Law of Attraction but that it means nothing if you don't take actions. Then your actions will not mean anything if you don't belief in yourself. One of the other laws he talked about was the Law of Goya. Or...the Law of Get Off Your Ass. Another point made is that you have to get out of your comfort zone to grow.

So guess what I went home and did...I signed up for a weight loss contest. I have seen these contests now and again as I read my beloved Oxygen, but I never thought I could do something like that. So I stripped down and put on a bikini, sheepishly asked Heather to come take my pictures, and held my breath. I immediately became grumpy as I looked at the pictures. They were far from pretty. Regardless, I went straight to the computer to enter the contest. I have until the end of July. Below is the contest. So I am gonna need some major help. Please don't take it personally if I don't splurge on alcohol, desserts, or anything fried. I am going to have a pretty strict eating schedule so please hang in there with me. I can't do this without help.

Anyone want to do this with me?

3rd Annual Eat-Clean Diet® Makeover Challenge - The Eat-Clean Diet®

Clean Eating

2011-01-08T22:29:00.000-08:00

LIke most good Americans, I fell for several fad diets over the years. I did the pills, the drinks, the cleanse, the shunning of a food group, etc. Then I started to learn about nutrition and I realized that it was all crap. All of it.

I would teach my clients a much healthier and safer way of eating. I was just making it up as I went along until one day when a very good friend of mine handed me an Oxygen Magazine by Robert Kennedy Publishing. This was a fitness magazine like I have never seen before. It was to the point, full of amazing content, and teaching what I was teaching just better! I read a column by this phenomenal woman, Tosca Reno and from that moment on I was hooked! She fully admits that she herself didn't come up with clean eating but she is definitely the Eat Clean Diet guru!

I have been eating clean on and off for several years now. Some months are much better than others. For example, December wasn't such a hot month for eating clean. I even returned to my big girl eating roots and had Tostinos pizza rolls not once, but twice! Eesh!

Anyway, as a part of Attifood the lifestyle I am following is the Eat Clean Diet for real this time. I am one week in and feeling good! The biggest part of the diet for me is giving up sugar. Sugar completely inflames my skin condition. I had my first challenge last night when I met up with my best girlfriends. We got together at a little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant for some Mar Gars and I was the only one at the table who didn't have one. (Nor did I reach for one chip! Man that was tough!).

I would love you to join me on this journey! Heather and I are eating clean and I am starting to teach Kurt the principles of the diet. I greatly recommend it to EVERYONE. Someone! Anyone! Do this with me!

Here is what you need to do:

-Eat five to six small meals a day (every two to three hours)
-Drink 2-3 liters of water a day
-Follow portion sizes with your hands
-Pair complex carbs with lean proteins
-Get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night
-Never skip meals, especially breakfast

But honestly, here is what you should do: go buy Tosca's book now, The Eat Clean Diet Recharged! Heather and I even bought a copy to give to our parents for Christmas.

No she is not paying me to say this. I have never even met her (though I would absolutely love to). I don't suggest anything unless I love it and this I LOVE. The success stories I read in her books and in Oxygen are truly inspiring. This is the kind of success I crave.

This is the lifestyle I want to lead. I want to be healthy the right way and in my opinion this is how you do it. Time and time again people have reclaimed their lives by eating clean. And guess what...remember how I said earlier that eating to get healthy is about 85%? Well then here is your tool to grab that 85% by the horns.

And because I love Tosca and her diet/books so much, I wanted to give you an opportunity to take a look at what she (and it) is all about. Happy Eating!

What is The Eat-Clean Diet®? - The Eat-Clean Diet®

My first attempt at meditation

2011-01-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

Today is the third day of living a life with Attifood and so far it is going well. The food part is on track but I have to still work on the attitude part. Included in that is actively meditating. I have tried it only a handful of times before and the best time was--believe it or not--in the shower. I have this thing with water apparently. I love the sound of waves crashing against the shore, of the power of waterfalls, but my absolute favorite is listening to the rain.

On a silly note...I loved water sounds so much as a kid that whenever my sister and I would get colds my mom would put on the humidifier for us to breathe easier. I remember the day the damn thing finally died on us. Man, I was bawling my eyes out and I think I actually said something like, "It is like I lost my best friend!" Drama queen. So yeah, apparently I love water.

Let's continue...

Today I go to the backyard and get comfy on the porch chair. I assume the position, close my eyes, and start focusing on my breathing. At first I try to concentrate just on my nose. I imagine the air going in and out, in and out. But now I don't feel comfortable thinking of my nose so I think of my chest as it rises and falls, rises and falls. Ok that doesn't work. I try to imagine the sound of rain. The damn birds kept cheering merrily so that didn't pan out.

After about five agonizing minutes of getting pissed at myself for not focusing I came to this conclusion: meditating is Hard! How do them monks do it for hours on end?!?!

Practice.

Oh....

But I'm too impatient! I want to close my eyes and be transported to my happy place where I find the answers to life and happiness. (sigh)

Ha. You bafoon.

I think I meditated for a full 8 minutes and this is what it sounded like in my head...

"...ok, think of the nose, think of the nose....sigh....nope, can't think of the nose...think of your chest, think of your chest...oh yeah, that's nice...yeah, I like that...am I still wearing a sports bra? That reminds me, I should go to Victoria's secret--Nicole! stop! focus! Ok, let's think of the rain...rain...rain...oh yea...there we go, now we're cooking...what's should I cook for dinner? It has to be quick I have so much to do....Don't forget to call the venue tomorrow for Lisa...do I have a call tonight? No it was cancelled...no! rain...rain...rain...rain...rain, rain go away come again another day...but I like the rain...I wonder when it is going to rain again...shut up birds! Man I hate birds, they freak me out...except for that big colorful bird in the movie UP...gosh what a great movie! So sad in the beginning though...no! no! think of the chest again...chest! Rise and fall, rise and fall...I could use a blue bra, I don't have that color yet...."

You get the picture. Oh well. Practice makes perfect. We'll try again tomorrow.

The Power of Food

2011-01-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

I have had a love affair with food since I was a little girl (Remember I was chunky). I love all meals and eating new things. The only thing I don't like is cheese.

A moment to reflect on the crazy notion that I hate cheese...

--Go ahead, get it out now. Call me weird. Exclaim, "how could you hate cheese!" like I have just kicked your dog. Slap me. Stare at me wide eyed and mouth agape. I have seen it all! (No, seriously, a girl slapped me once). I used to eat cheese a lot when I was a little kid but I must have gotten sick on it or something because now every time I smell it or accidentally taste it I get queasy. For those of you who are wondering, yes I will eat pizza. However, I do have a strict set of rules: it has to only be mozzarella (Domino's lost me when they added provolone to the mix), it can't have a crazy thick layer (chances are good I will still pick it off), and it has to have toppings. So there...my aversion to cheese is out of the way.

Let's move on...

Several years ago my love of food turned into a love of nutrition and during my years of training and classes I came to find a very shocking fact. I remember telling this to my training clients and they would look at me like I was the love child of ET and Freddy Krueger (shock and horror). Ready? When trying to lose weight the food you eat makes up 85% of your potential success.

WHAT?! Yup. 85%. So no...you can't just buy a gym membership and claim the treadmill as your long lost lover. You can't spend four hours at the gym, come home to eat cheesecake (and maybe a second slice, after all you did spend four hours at the gym today), and think you won't gain the weight. You also can't just pop a magic pill.

Say it with me now...85%.

After I learned that bombshell of a fact and tried to convince my clients that it was true, I started to dig a little deeper into food. The more and more I investigated the more I became astonished with the power of food.

Figure: Here is the obvious one. The healthier you eat the better your figure will be.

Now here is where I started to get hooked:

Energy: The amount of energy you obtain from eating the right foods and pairing it with a bunch of water is amazing. When I was eating right I would jump out of bed at 5 in the morning and not look back. I never got that all too familiar American 2pm crash where I needed a soda, coffee, or candy bar to keep me going.

Nails and Hair: The right food has the ability to give you stronger hair and nails. So cool!

Eyes: The whites of your eyes get brighter and don't dry out as much if ever

Digestive System: If that is in line then you are going to be one happy chick/dude.

Reverse Certain Illnesses: Eating right has the ability to completely REVERSE certain diseases. You can actually turn high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes around. Another really cool fact for me is that my skin was so much clearer when I ate right.

Wow.

I was flabbergasted! My love for food started because I thought it tasted good. I had no idea it had all those added benefits. It was after trying diet after unsuccessful diet that I found this out. After getting a good feel of what nutrition was really capable of, a friend of mine turned me onto a magazine called Oxygen. It is a woman's fitness magazine with up to date trends, exercises, meal plans, and yummy clean eating recipes. I try to live my life as a clean eater (blog on clean eating soon to follow).

Ok. Let's recap.

85%

Food, if eaten right, can be pretty extraordinary.

Now let's skip forward to about a week ago when Attifood came to life in my shower. With the New Year rapidly approaching, I of course renewed my never ending resolution of eating clean--and meaning it this time. But then I started to think about some of the other passions I found throughout this last year. I live to entertain people at my house. I have an intense affection for traveling the world and trying exotic foods. I have an ever growing fondness for cooking. And the ecstasy (yes I said ecstasy) I get from opening up and enjoying a new bottle of red wine is monumental.

To me food is not just about eating right and achieving maximal health. It is also about living. Truly living.

Think about it. Food is present in almost every major event in our lives: weddings, funerals, baptisms, honeymoons, proposals, birthdays, anniversaries, travel, holidays, first dates, etc. I don't want to be eating a plain grilled chicken breast with steamed spinach at my wedding.

And that is what Attifood for me is all about. The food portion of Attifood means eating clean and acquiring the health I have always dreamed of but to also experience life through food. Here is my 5 point plan ;) (of course she has a five point plan)

-Create a lifestyle (not diet) of eating clean
-Learn to cook, I mean really cook
-Educate myself on the brilliance of wine and taste it to make sure those lessons are paying off
-Travel to a new place and delve into the food (going to Paris this year, oui oui!)
-Host three separate dinner parties at my house, all with different themes.

And there you have it! Attifood at it's best! Food is AMAZING and I can't wait to explore it further.

Till next time :)

Cole's Quick Curry Concoction!

2011-01-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

If you like curry this is quick and easy:

1 Tbs Olive Oil
1 medium red bell pepper
1 cup diced onions
3/4 cup cranberries
1 can garbanzo beans, drained
i jar Trader Joes Curry Simmer Sauce
Large handful of arugula or spinach
Brown Rice, Quinoa, Whole Wheat Pasta

1) Julienne the bell pepper
2) Put olive oil in medium sauce pan and place over medium heat. Place sliced bell peppers and diced onion into pan. Cook until onions are beginning to look translucent and the peppers are tender.
3) Add garbanzo beans and cranberries. Mix.
4) Empty jar of curry sauce into pan. Fill the same jar half way with water and add to pan. Mix all ingredients thoroughly.
5) Cover and let simmer on medium heat for 10-15 minutes
6) Put either rice, quinoa, or whole wheat pasta in bowl, top with spinach or arugula, and then the curry concoction.

Enjoy!

Story of a fat girl...

2011-01-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

I have always had a love affair with food. Growing up I was chunky and it was not for my lack of running around, oh no. In fact, I have been playing sports since I was five, however, I also loved all manner of things that were not good for me. My family would have fast food at least once a week, order pizza on a whim, ice cream almost every night, and snacks, snacks, snacks. I didn't know any better. I also came from a culture where it was considered bad manners to not clean your plate.

My weight stayed with me as I grew up. I never really paid much attention to it until I moved when I was 11. I moved from Southern California where I left my three best friends, to Northern California where I knew no one. I moved next door to a tall, slender, and beautiful girl. She just happened to be my age and during the summer months we became very close. But then school started and in my mind I became the "new fat girl." I always thought I looked pretty ridiculous standing next to her: a young supermodel and frump girl (Thank you "My Big Fat Greek Wedding")

Because I felt so inferior it made me shy, which was quite uncharacteristic of me. I went from teachers constantly telling me to stop talking in class, to barely uttering a word until I got home from school.

Once freshman year hit I started to get my voice back. However, I also found myself at my biggest: 185 pounds.

People often don't believe me when I tell them this fascinating little tidbit but it was true. I remember going to the doctor for a check up and there it was: that digital red number staring back at me.

185...185...185

It was at that time I realized I needed to do something. However, I wasn't worried about my health. No, no. I was worried about looking beautiful and skinny like the rest of the girls in my high school. I was worried about getting boyfriends! I was an idiot. But what else do you worry about in high school? Everyone wants to fit in and my obstacle was my weight.

Throughout the years I would lose the weight, then put it back on, lose the weight, then put it back on. I would do some stupid things like throw away my turkey sandwich and buy two chocolate cookies instead. I would skip dinner and then later have cereal. (Weird). I went on the Atkins diet for a mean minute...that was fun. I would purposely buy jeans a size too small and squeeze, grunt, and force myself into them.

Finally I was able to find my footing in college after taking nutrition classes, becoming a personal trainer, and teaching kick boxing classes.

However, the fat girl still remained inside. She still resides there to this day.

My goal is to finally rid of her. Every now and then I hear her whispering, telling me to eat one more piece of pizza. (She loves pizza).

Hush darling girl. Hush.

A Funny New Word

2011-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

My name is Nicole Nassief. For those of you who don't know me I am wedding/event planner. 2010 proved to be an extremely busy year with much growth. It was quick and ruthless at times but all and all very satisfying. There was a lot of traveling, too many sleepless nights, and a plethora of different clients. It was vastly different than the preceding year (the dreaded 2009) and for that I am very grateful.

Even though the year was fantastic I found myself itching with uncertainty in the last month. I kept looking into the future and saw an even busier year in 2011. There are going to be many changes and new opportunities and I am so excited! However, there was that all too familiar tug in the back of my stomach that told me something was off. So naturally I started to search for what the tug really meant. Was I happy in my job? Yup. Did I feel like I made any mistakes in my decisions? Definitely not. Did I need to reorganize everything? Well sure.

So now after weeks of trying to figure it out I was restless. I was annoyed and just felt kinda...well blah. Then came the other day when I was in the shower (I do most of my best thinking in the shower so you will probably see that statement a lot) and I realized...I wasn't satisfied with myself! I wasn't happy because I wasn't healthy; I wasn't my normal optimistic self; I didn't have any energy; I certainly didn't have my normal drive. All I had was a list of things I needed to get done and a robot mentality that would clearly get the job done but would leave me numb in the process.

Then (still in the shower mind you) the word hit me! Bam! I was so tickled with excitement that shampoo dripped in my eye but I didn't care. Attifood.

Umm....what?

Attifood.

Yeah I heard you the first time Nicole, but what the hell does that mean?

Well to me it means this simple equation:

Putting in the right food + giving out the right attitude = a kick ass life!

I knew what I needed to do. I tell my clients all the time that we need to set up a good foundation for their event. So that is what I needed but for myself: a solid foundation.

I grew up as a chunky kid and then in high school developed an unsightly skin disease. Although I was always a happy and social kid these two elements plagued me to no end. I don't want to say that I ever really loathed myself or anything but I have always doubted myself in some areas of my life.

I knew there were some things I was good at: I was a loyal friend, social, a good student, a great employee, and creative. But here is what "they" don't tell you when you decide to start your own business and become your own boss: all of your s*** and demons come to life. It knocks your balance out of whack and there is no structure unless you create it yourself. I went from a world filled with strict guidelines and relentless corporate rules to being smacked in the face with a clean slate and empty canvas. At first my strengths propelled me forward, sure. But my weakness kept me chained to the wall.

If I think of myself as a house I realize that it looks good on the outside. Then you walk inside and things are a little different. It is decorated nicely with warm colors and ultimately is very inviting. But then let's say you have to go into the basement (we call ours the dungeon, go figure). The pipes are leaky, the wood is rotting, and overall it is not very strong.

Walking out of my metaphorical house, I knew what I needed to do. I had to reinvent my wheel. I know I can't go much further without working from the inside out.

That is what this blog is about. I know all the tools I need to be healthy both physically and mentally. Instead of just telling myself that I will do it...well, I am telling you. I am at that point in my life and career where they need to coexist or I will go spiraling in the wrong direction.

Here is my plan...

Food: There was a time when I was obsessed with nutrition. I was a personal trainer and took a couple of nutrition classes in college. During this time in my life I had energy, was in great shape, was happy, and extremely healthy. In other words I knew the power food had. (Stay tuned for a post just on my feelings about food) Somewhere along the line I stopped respecting that power and I let my body and health get away from me. Starting today I am eating clean and smart but with some twists that I will explain later.

Attitude: I am usually a pretty happy chick but there is--without question--room for improvement. I need to believe in myself and be excited to wake up every morning. I need to be grateful for what I do have and bless the things that I don't. By meditating, journaling, and learning to destress I will find that harmony that I lost a long time ago.

Here is what I expect by the end of the year:

1) More energy so I jump out of bed early to get my day started
2) Have completely clear skin (or at the very least have a good handle on it)
3) Be happy with my body, no matter what the size
4) Be a better girlfriend
5) Find the leader that I know lives inside of me
6) Be the entrepreneur I know I can be

Welcome to my journey! Let's see what happens!